If you are friends or family of ours, please do not be offended that I didn't share this site with you. You are more than welcome to stay, read and participate, but be aware that somethings said here are not directed at you. While some of the posts and comments might be uncomfortable for you, remember the purpose of this site: It's dealing with My pain and My Grief that you just can't understand until you lose one of your own. I know you want to help ease my pain (and you have in many ways) but there will always be burdens you can't help me with, so I turn to my fellow bereaved.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

What's in a Name?

Since we lost Olivia 3 months ago the Dragonfly has come to symbolize her continued presence with us. Two weeks after her death Sara and I had one of those 'shake you to the core of your being' experiences. To this day thinking and talking about that Sunday morning gives me goose bumps. 

 Here is how I described the Dragonfly event at the time :

Sunday morning 2 weeks after Olivia passed away I noticed a large number of bugs flying around our back pasture. When Sara and I went out to investigate, we were overwhelmed by Dragonflies. There were probably 200 or more flying around in our couple acre pasture. We stood out there and marveled at a spectacle we had never seen before. In the 10+ years I have lived in this same house, never had I seen this many Dragonflies in one area.
As we stood and soaked in this display of gleaming wings and darting bodies, one large Dragonfly came up to us. It had an iridescent green body with a purple/blue sheen to it's tail. The wings were a transluscent silver, gleaming in the warm sun. It hovered in front of Sara's face for a few seconds, then it moved over to me and landed on my left shoulder. Soon it took off and dissapeared into the rest of the Dragonflies.

While looking around on the internet about dragonflies, we came across some interesting facts. Native Americans believe that Dragonflies represent renewal and can be messengers from the spirit world. The story below was also found in our search, somehow it feels very appropriate.

The Dragonfly
Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads,
there lived a little water beetle in a community of water
beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond
with few disturbances and interruptions.
Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of
their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and
would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their
friend was dead, gone forever.
Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge
to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would
not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what
he had found at the top.
When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the
surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so
warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body
changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful
blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body
designed for flying.
So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole
new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never
known existed.
Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking
by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them, and
explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been
before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.
But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could
not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he
understood that their time would come, when they, too, would
know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off
into his joyous new life!
~Author Unknown~

Since then again and again a dragonfly has brought her back to us. Her Winnie the Pooh crib sheet has a small dragonfly zipping around Tigger's head, same with her little Winnie the Pooh Lamp (purchased at a different time). A little Tiffany style lamp bought for her room has an abstract dragonfly shape in the shade. I had purchased a little Flying Mobile, intending to get a bird, yet ended up with a dragonfly instead. A  picture frame, a framed mirror, a window charm all dragonfly themed. None of these was chosen consciously for the presence of a dragonfly. Of course it is also a construct of our minds trying to find a connection to Olivia, a way back. I don't mind.

 A Dragonfly's Embrace is where I want to be.


  1. The butterfly has taken a similar place in our hearts. We are actually making a mosaic pot at the moment with Abigail's name and the image of a butterfly. Because we want to have something in the house that took a long time to make that is precious because it reminds of Abigail.

    It sounds like an unforgettable experience all those dragonflies. I hope time is gentle on you

  2. We too have used the symbol of the dragonfly (on Emma's headstone). Someone gave us a small book which contained the story you quote here. It was given to us to try and explain Emma's death to our young children. We found it very hard to read to them. It's a powerful piece of writing isn't it? Thank you for writing this.

    Take care

  3. Yes, it's a powerful piece of writing.

    I've just come over to your blog, having seen your comment on Emma's Daddy's recent post. I'm very sorry to hear about Olivia's passing.

  4. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's passing. The dragonfly is a wonderful symbol to use to celebrate her life. To me, dragonflies represent courage and beauty. I wish you much strength and courage in grieving the loss of your beautiful daughter.


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