If you are friends or family of ours, please do not be offended that I didn't share this site with you. You are more than welcome to stay, read and participate, but be aware that somethings said here are not directed at you. While some of the posts and comments might be uncomfortable for you, remember the purpose of this site: It's dealing with My pain and My Grief that you just can't understand until you lose one of your own. I know you want to help ease my pain (and you have in many ways) but there will always be burdens you can't help me with, so I turn to my fellow bereaved.


Friday, December 25, 2009

Sleep Well My Sweet

We miss you you beyond words. Today should have been so different.

We Love You!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

If I Could Be Where You Are

In lieu of a longer post which I haven't had time to complete, I'll share a piece of music which my wife selected for Olivia's Memorial Service. It has to be one of the more haunting pieces I've heard. The refrain of....

Is there a way I can find you?
Is there a sign I should know?
Is there a road I could follow,
to bring you back home?

.... brings tears to my eyes every time.

If I Could Be Where You Are by Enya
Where are you this moment
Only in my dreams
You're missing, but you're always
a heartbeat away.

I'm lost now without you.
I don't know where you are.
I keep watching,
I keep hoping,
but time keeps us apart.

Is there a way I can find you?
Is there a sign I should know?
Is there a road I could follow,
to bring you back home?

Winter lies before me,
Now you're so far away
In the darkness of my dreaming
The light tore, you will stay

If I could be close beside you
If I could be where you are are
If I could reach out and touch you
And bring you back home

Is there a way I can find you?
Is there a sign I should know?
Is there a road I could follow,
to bring you back home?

To me...



Sunday, December 13, 2009

Crazy Time of Year

Life has been kind of crazy with a number of things over the last week; finishing Christmas cards for work, getting fundraiser calendars ready for our cat sanctuary, helping Sara's Uncle move in next door....  very little time to think or relax. In the midst of all this craziness, Olivia is never far from our minds. There just hasn't been any time to decompress or process this time of year w/o our Little Peanut, I'm just waiting for the overflow of emotions to come.

In lieu of a full post, here some pictures of our memorials we've set up for Olivia.

On top of our entertainment center:

The picture of Olivia was taken less than two days before she died. Sara and her mother had taken Olivia for a stroll at the local nature preserve. Olivia had just started to enjoy her diverse surroundings. The look Olivia displays in the picture was very classic for her. She wouldn't just look at you, she would look into you. There always seemed to be a wisdom in that gaze, maybe she always knew more than us what was coming....

Friday, December 4, 2009

Another Olivia Collage

I don't remember where I ran across this site (sorry to original poster), but it automatically makes a collage from your website using the most common words in it.

Wordle: Olivia

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Seven Questions

These seven questions were originally posted over at the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant loss Blog in July 2007. Since then, a number of other bloggers have tackled these questions with an open honesty that hopefully places a foundation for healing. It has been very enlightening for me to read their thoughts within this Meme. Their answers can be found at In the Land of Broken Hearts, Living in the rainbow (First & Second posts), and Spacebook

Without further ado.... 

1. What do you want people to know about the child you have lost?

She was perfect! While her life was dominated by management of her Alagille Syndrome, it did not and should not define who she was. At times it is easy to forget this (even I do), but I have to remind myself that Olivia never knew that she was sick. She just knew herself as a 'normal' baby. She lived in the moment - reminding us that living is what's important. 
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