If you are friends or family of ours, please do not be offended that I didn't share this site with you. You are more than welcome to stay, read and participate, but be aware that somethings said here are not directed at you. While some of the posts and comments might be uncomfortable for you, remember the purpose of this site: It's dealing with My pain and My Grief that you just can't understand until you lose one of your own. I know you want to help ease my pain (and you have in many ways) but there will always be burdens you can't help me with, so I turn to my fellow bereaved.


Friday, February 19, 2010

Living in a Parallel Universe

Dearest Olivia,

Today you turn one year old. While I know you can't read yet, I still feel the need write you this note, maybe someday you'll cherish these words like we cherish you. No words can express the pride and joy you have brought to your mother and I. Even when you have a "Grumpy Morning," soon enough we are able to coax out that broad mischievous grin, before you know it we're all laughing. Sometimes I think you do that on purpose, just to squeeze out some extra time from me before I have to go work.

We would love to take you to the Zoo today, but given that it's February we'll have to wait a couple more months before the weather is warm enough for you to enjoy seeing all the animals. Instead I think we'll head over to Grandma's house and have a party there. I can't wait to see you dig into the cake, chocolate, with lots of frosting. I suspect you'll end up wearing more of it than actually eating it, but hey it's a party.

I just know when you see the stack of presents, you'll point and bounce up and down in your seat... yes we've spoiled you already, you know all about presents. When we set you on the ground you delicately stand, toddle a step or two, before landing on your backside and deciding that crawling is still much more efficient way to get to the presents. As you shake, throw and rip your presents, you chatter endlessly to yourself sometimes sounding like real words, but not distinct enough to really know.

After an exciting afternoon, you are never happy about taking a nap, fussing and crying all the while mom and I are hoping to get a nice nap too. Soon enough you sleep for a while and everyone feels much better for it. The rest of the day is spent playing with your new toys, the wrapping paper, and chasing your "itty" (kitty) around the room. When we finally tuck you in after a long and adventuresome day, you give us both a great hug and kiss (well a slobber), and tuck you into bed. We take turns reading the new Olivia book you got from Auntie Melinda, but within minutes you are sound asleep, smile plastered on your face. Happy in your own world of dreams.

Sweet Dreams my Love, Happy Birthday in your World.

I Love You
I Miss You
Happy Birthday Olivia.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Unrequited Love

If you have browsed across these pages, I'm sure you have been able to notice that music plays an important role in my life. When I'm not in the company of family and friends I can usually be found attached to a pair of headphones and an iPod. Growing up I was immersed in music from as early as I can remember. My parents always had music playing in the background - mainly classical. My brothers and I were always enrolled in some music class, whether violin, piano or voice up until we were out of high school. I do have to admit that while I enjoyed the music, I never had the talent to make much more of it than develop a lifelong enjoyment of all things musical. I provide this preface to give some more background to my use of songs as therapy during trying times in my life.

I will lay out the songs as they came to me chronologically and explain what grabbed me about them. Here's a LINK to the zip file with the full MP3's if you're interested in downloading the compilation (~80MB).

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Another Song For The Mood

I really need to get a full listing together of songs that have helped me, maybe this weekend... In the meantime enjoy some Jack Johnson -- Monsoon

The refrain just grabs me

All of life
Is in one drop of the ocean waiting to go home
Just waiting to go home
And if the moon
Can turn the tides it can pull the tears
And take them from our eyes
Make them into monsoons
Turn them into monsoon-er or later
They’ll weep their way back to the sea
Gonna finally be free
Free for a while
Until they break
Like waves of sorrow always do all in due time
Because time never waits

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