If you are friends or family of ours, please do not be offended that I didn't share this site with you. You are more than welcome to stay, read and participate, but be aware that somethings said here are not directed at you. While some of the posts and comments might be uncomfortable for you, remember the purpose of this site: It's dealing with My pain and My Grief that you just can't understand until you lose one of your own. I know you want to help ease my pain (and you have in many ways) but there will always be burdens you can't help me with, so I turn to my fellow bereaved.


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I hate Auto-Complete... or Ghosts Everywhere (Part 2)

As I sat down to compose another entry, I clicked into the Title: line and was rudely distracted from the what I actually meant to post. I was confronted by a list of previously blogged topics, most of them from Olivia's Big Adventure. My computer was wondering if I wanted to use these titles... (again)... yeah thanks, but NO.

  • Quest for the Golden Elixer
    • when it was still easy to joke about trying to collect a urine sample from a 3 month old
  • On the Road Again...  Again... and Again
    • heading back to Ann Arbor for yet another follow up Liver & Kidney visit
  • Stuck in a Rut...  (part 1)
    • the last post before Olivia died talking about how well she was doing and following routines pictures of her at the zoo with her cousins
    • part 2 never made it to publication and was soon followed by
  • Dragonflies
    • Our first acceptance of Olivia in another form
  • Ghost Everywhere
    • rounds out the Auto-complete list so perfectly It 
While at times this computer feature can be nice, obviously today it put me in a place I didn't want to be. I previously talked about the ghost I willingly surround myself with; pictures, a bouncy seat, a blanket. It's the ghost I don't control that can make life 'interesting.'

Yesterday we got another book in the mail for Olivia from the Dolly Parton Imagination Library, a great program that sends a book out monthly to children under 5 yrs old. Every month it catches me unprepared, yet every month I put off canceling because that book is another tie to Olivia. It keeps her memory alive, somewhere in someone else's computer she's just another little girl that just turned 9 months -- and that's fine with me. The Babies-R-Us mailers, the $5.00 off Enfamil or Similac , the never ending Holiday TV commercials hawking kids toys and showing the perfectly happy nuclear family, these all want to make me scream at times "Why are you doing this to me!!! Don't you know she's gone?!!" Slowly I'm getting better at swallowing my bile, I don't often flinch anymore when I come across these surprises. ... but today, not so much, I wanted my computer to understand it made me sad.


  1. Hi Ben,

    Here from Margaret's Blog (She's Come Undone) and wanted to say how truly sorry I am that you have lost your precious Olivia. It never ceases to amaze me just how many of us there are out there.

    You are still so early on in your journey. Please be gentle on yourself. Take care of each other and remember your Angel with so much love.


  2. Hi Ben:

    Here also from Margaret's Blog. It's a sad thing to realize how many of us are losing babies in this generation isn't it?

    My husband and I lost our fifth child, our son George, May 19 of this year during my labour (cord compression is the only likely cause). It's been a hard journey but finding other blogging parents has been a gift to me. Sending you and your wife warm thoughts from Canada and remembering your precious girl with you. (((Hugs)))

  3. ugh.. I just hate that.. mine does it too. :( I checked out Olivia's blog, she was such a little doll..Again,I am just so sorry for you and your wife..I truly know your pain, and I absolutely hate knowing that there are others out there that feel like we do.. hugs to you and Sara..hang in there..

  4. Hi Ben, Thank you so much for leaving a comment on my blog. As you and Sara are newly bereaved, I wanted to make sure you had as much support as possible in the Babyloss community. There are some wonderfully understanding men and women out here who have lost children and that can empathize with all aspects of grief. Please, don't be afraid to reach out to us, we are here for you both whenever you need someone to talk to. Hugs


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