If you are friends or family of ours, please do not be offended that I didn't share this site with you. You are more than welcome to stay, read and participate, but be aware that somethings said here are not directed at you. While some of the posts and comments might be uncomfortable for you, remember the purpose of this site: It's dealing with My pain and My Grief that you just can't understand until you lose one of your own. I know you want to help ease my pain (and you have in many ways) but there will always be burdens you can't help me with, so I turn to my fellow bereaved.


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Crazy Time of Year

Life has been kind of crazy with a number of things over the last week; finishing Christmas cards for work, getting fundraiser calendars ready for our cat sanctuary, helping Sara's Uncle move in next door....  very little time to think or relax. In the midst of all this craziness, Olivia is never far from our minds. There just hasn't been any time to decompress or process this time of year w/o our Little Peanut, I'm just waiting for the overflow of emotions to come.

In lieu of a full post, here some pictures of our memorials we've set up for Olivia.

On top of our entertainment center:

The picture of Olivia was taken less than two days before she died. Sara and her mother had taken Olivia for a stroll at the local nature preserve. Olivia had just started to enjoy her diverse surroundings. The look Olivia displays in the picture was very classic for her. She wouldn't just look at you, she would look into you. There always seemed to be a wisdom in that gaze, maybe she always knew more than us what was coming....

Sara and I picked up the clay sculpture in a small art gallery in Arizona as described in this previous post. I spotted the sculpture in the gallery window and knew it had been placed there for us. The simplicity of the sculpture belies its true beauty.

The shared form between mother and child.
The loving gaze shared between mother and child.
The warmth of the embrace.

On the other side of the sculpture is Olivia's Hospital Photo. It is such a bittersweet photo.  It represents a future of dreams, expectations, and hopes, all parents have for their children. It recalls a hopeful innocence, before everything we ever held true came crashing down.

Our other memorial revolves around Olivia's Ashes, accompanied by numerous angels and guarded by a Welsh Dragon.

Not that we could ever forget out precious Little Love, but these memorials help keep her close to our heart daily.

We miss you Peanut!


  1. These are wonderful ways to remember Olivia. It is obvious to me how much you love your daughter and how much you miss her.

    I am sure your pain is absolute agony, but these things that you are doing for your daugher are truly beautiful and a fitting tribute for her.

    I am sure you will crash at somepoint over the Christmas period - just be gentle on yourself

  2. Your memorials are lovely. I really like that beautiful embrace sculpture too. Olivia is absolutely stunning.

    Take care over Christmas.

  3. I have little Ella places all over the house.. I need them...they are comforting and I feel like they remind people that even though she is not here on earth that she is still part of us, she is still important and part of our family.. I am sure you guys feel the same way.. warm wishes this holiday season..

  4. The memorials are lovely. She is a gorgeous girl, as well you know, and I am sending you virtual hugs - the holidays are a hard time. Thinking of you.


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