tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5162642187216173925.post6180849911692920015..comments2022-11-16T04:37:08.450-05:00Comments on A Dragonfly's Embrace: Seven QuestionsA Dragonfly's Embracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02354910020379862444noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5162642187216173925.post-74306610604868360592009-12-04T09:43:41.413-05:002009-12-04T09:43:41.413-05:00time does keep going on, holidays and other people...time does keep going on, holidays and other people joy burn to the core..Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07386710835021940223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5162642187216173925.post-13045567364451914792009-12-04T04:02:27.202-05:002009-12-04T04:02:27.202-05:00Ben
Well, thank you for carrying on the meme. Wh...Ben<br /><br />Well, thank you for carrying on the meme. What appealled to me about these questions early on were that they were the kind of questions I wished people in the "real world" would ask but rarely did. They were things I wanted to be able to think about and express but rarely had licence to do that. Anyway thank you for sharing.<br /><br />It struck me that all the hurtful things people said had an element of truth but completely missed the point. It may be true that your wife is young and can have more children but so what - you could have a 1000 and you still miss Olivia. The hurtful comments also have in common that they are trying to make the person saying them feel slightly less raw about your loss by (and this is the hurtful thing) making your loss slightly less significant. In other words they belittle your loss and in so doing belittle themselves as they show they do not have a correct value for human life. Olivia was a precious girl, daughter, life - nothing could compensate for not having her here. To suggest otherwise is at best emotionally shallow and at worst erodes the very foundation of life and human dignity. Rant over.<br /><br />Whilst I have kept my faith (or my faith kept me - search for rope poem on my site if interested) following the loss of Abigail, I too have an alergic reaction to the religious platitudes offered. God did not need another angel and take my baby. My daughter was not too good for this earth. And whilst I do believe heaven is a better place, death is always evil and never God's will. My faith is a bit battered and frayed around the edges. But personally I believe God grieves for Abigail too and that she is in heaven and that does bring me some comfort. It is completely wrong to try and ram your faith down someones throat when they are vulnerable likes the JW's did. <br /><br />Some of the ways you are remembering Olivia seem amazing and I would love to hear/see more of them in a future post.<br /><br />I hope the holiday season is gentle on youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5162642187216173925.post-71676721299167024782009-12-03T21:40:44.731-05:002009-12-03T21:40:44.731-05:00Ben, I want you to know that I truly appreciate yo...Ben, I want you to know that I truly appreciate your perspective on grief and the pain you're facing in the wake of Olivia's death. As a mother, I relate so well to the comment you made about Olivia being an extension of Sara. We women carried, nurtured and protected our children within our bodies. I felt every move, roll, kick and hiccup while my twins were inside me. Although my husband seldom expresses his grief (and oh how I wish he would), I see evidence of it everyday in the way he carries himself, the lack of joy in his eyes and his quick temper. Hearing about loss from the male perspective is helping me understand a little of what my own husband is dealing with and I want you to know how much it means to me to have you blogging and sharing about life and love with your little girl. Although I too hate many of the platitudes we've been offered since Calvin's death (my most hated is, well at least you still have his twin), some of them are comforting when coming from people who have also walked this road of grief and who truly know what it means to lose a child. My heart goes out to you and Sara as you face your first Christmas without Olivia, and I hope that you both can find a measure of comfort in your love for each other. Many hugs to you both.margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16494588299838654564noreply@blogger.com